I know this is a blog about marriage but I have to take a side step here and talk about something very dear to my heart that has been bothering me lately. That subject is teenagers. Yeah I know what you are thinking,"aren't teenagers supposed to bug you?" But that is exactly what I want to talk about.
This past weekend we went with some friends to see the movie Courageous for the second time. (Fabulous movie) Laying in bed that night there was something that bothered me from the movie. There was one scene in particular that portrayed the steroetypical teenager. You know what I'm talking about, lazy, disrespectful, rebellious, and annoying. I talked in my last blog about how society and media have dumbed down fathers, but what has it done to teenagers. Think about it. Can we all be that way at times? In the movie, it shows fathers how important being there for your kids is, but how important is how we look at our kids? What happens in our marriages when we buy in to what society tells us about our spouses? They tend to fall apart, but don't we do that with our teens? When I focused on the negative in Jason it made the negative grow, when I started seeing him as God saw him change started to happen.
Are we speaking, thinking and praying life over our teens or death? I'm not saying to go be your teens best friend that's the last thing they want or need. The teenage years are practice for being an adult, are we lookng at our teens as adults or still children. Our job as parents is to "train them up in the way they should go." Look at that again, "...in the way they should "GO". That means we need to let them go, let them practice, encourage them to practice being an adult. You want to keep communication open with your teen, quit talking to them as if they were a child. Maybe they do still have a lot to learn but don't under estimate what they already know. Their perspectve may surprise you. Give them their wings, teach them how to use them, and let them practice. That way if they fall you are there to catch them.
I love my teenagers and their friends. I refuse to see them as irresponsible kids who don't know what they are doing. Take the time to get to know the teens in your life and you will see they can be responsible if that's what you speak over them. And as for not knowing what they are doing, yes at times they may need guidance but they know far more than we give them credit for. Have confidence in how you raised your kid. I have learned so much from my teenagers maybe just as much as I have taught them.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
4 Little Words
In my Christian journey there have been 4 little words that have made the biggest impact in my life. I have been reflecting lately on what my life would have been like if my dear friend Zoila (I miss you, and am jealous that you are with Jesus) would not have said them to me many times. I now find myself saying these words to others, and I realize that even though they were said to me in the context of my marriage they fit in every aspect of my life.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
In the years that we were struggling in our marriage I would go to Zoila for guidance and to complain about Jason and she would simply look at me and lovingly ask, "but Carrie, What are you doing?" I would get so mad at her for saying that but I knew she was right. No matter what was being done to me I was also contributing to the situation. I now look at other areas of my life and ask the same question. When I'm driving down the road and someone cuts me off and I get angry and I can feel the road rage begin I ask, "What am I doing?" When I am irritated with my teenagers not communicating with me or being disrespectful or disobedient, I pause and ask ,"What am I doing?"
Matthew 7:2-5 “For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?"
It is so easy for us to point the finger at the other person when we are offended or hurt but we must remember that we too are guilty. We are guilty by how we react to that offense or hurt. So before you jump to a reaction ask yourself, "What am I doing?" make sure there is no plank in your own eye before you start pointing out the speck in your brother's or sister's eye.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
In the years that we were struggling in our marriage I would go to Zoila for guidance and to complain about Jason and she would simply look at me and lovingly ask, "but Carrie, What are you doing?" I would get so mad at her for saying that but I knew she was right. No matter what was being done to me I was also contributing to the situation. I now look at other areas of my life and ask the same question. When I'm driving down the road and someone cuts me off and I get angry and I can feel the road rage begin I ask, "What am I doing?" When I am irritated with my teenagers not communicating with me or being disrespectful or disobedient, I pause and ask ,"What am I doing?"
Matthew 7:2-5 “For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?"
It is so easy for us to point the finger at the other person when we are offended or hurt but we must remember that we too are guilty. We are guilty by how we react to that offense or hurt. So before you jump to a reaction ask yourself, "What am I doing?" make sure there is no plank in your own eye before you start pointing out the speck in your brother's or sister's eye.
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