Breaking Free The Veil

We had a wonderful speaker at church yesterday, Jay West, who is a traveling minister, author and motivational speaker He shared some amazing testimonies, but the thing that stood out the most to me was something that I have struggled with my entire life. It actually began with something Pastor Ross had said, "don't be careful" and Jay took it from there adding, "Be real, don't put on a veil". I would like to say that I am a very open person, and I thought that I had dealt with all my "veils", until yesterday.

I have shared in my early blogs about what it was like to be a military spouse. I had a switch that I would turn on so I could function as a mother and run the household when Jason was gone. It was also a switch that I turned on when things were not good in our marriage. I would just take a deep breath, suck it up, and do what I needed to do without any emotion. As I grew in my faith God began to reveal to me how dangerous that switch was. I used it, I thought, to protect myself, but ultimately all it did was isolate me. God didn't want me to use my switch anymore; I needed to be vulnerable. Man was that scary. That was almost 3 years ago. 

Lately, I have been in a bit of a funk. I have been struggling with writing, and in prayer and devotions with hearing from God. It hasn't been a good couple of days for Jason and I either. I knew something wasn't quite right and I kept pushing through in running after God, because I know that He is always there even if I don't feel Him or hear Him. I just couldn't put my finger on what was wrong. I was under attack, I could see glimpses of where the enemy was, and I thought I was fighting him off, but I still couldn't shake it. 

Just recently I wrote about judgement. I realized yesterday, that I had become careful; somewhere, sometime, someone had placed seeds of doubt in me and I had become careful. I quit looking at my life through God's eyes and started looking at it through the eyes of others. I had put on a veil and turned on the switch. I can't even remember all the words or who said them that triggered this attack, but I began to question how others saw me. I began to ask myself, "Am I where I am supposed to be, doing what I am supposed to be doing?" Jason and I are teaching a class on Power Evangelism on Thursday nights and Robby Dawkins author of (Do what Jesus Did )says in the videos, "not all of our thoughts are our own." I don't know why it took me so long to recognize that those were not my thoughts, they were put there by the enemy to derail me from what God has for me.

I didn't take offense to the words that were spoken to me but the enemy did use those words to cause me to take on the judgement. As I wrote a few weeks ago, "His (our Heavenly Daddy) opinion is all that matters." I was writing that for myself, to remind me. Today, I take a stand against the enemy's schemes and paraphrase Romans 12:2. 

I will not conform to the pattern of this world or the opinions and judgement of others. I will be transformed by the renewing of my mind through Christ Jesus. No longer will I put on a veil and be careful and if I try I pray the Holy Spirit will convict me to rip it off. I want to be about my Father's business and some may find that offensive because God doesn't fit into a nice. neat, little box. Sometimes His work looks messy and disorganized; sometimes it's a little strange, and a lot of times it calls for some risk, but I will walk one footstep at a time in obedience to His will. 

My son, pay attention to what I say,

turn your ear to my words.

keep them within your heart;

for they are life to those who find them

and health to one's whole body.

Above all else, guard your heart, 

for everything you do flows from it.

Proverbs 4:20-23