I Have Tasted

Fifteen years ago this month Jason and I decided to take a weekend away from the kids. We lived in Texas at the time and we decided to visit a bed and breakfast in Ardmore, Oklahoma. Now there really isn’t much to do in Ardmore, but the whole reason for the weekend was to get away from the busyness and the kids. Even though I really don’t remember a whole lot about the weekend, I know we enjoyed the relaxation, and one thing has stood out to me for 15 years. The breakfast at Shiloh Morning Inn. They served Banana Fosters pancakes with pecans. I will never forget the taste, I have searched for something like it ever since.

Once you get a taste of something amazing you always want more, or at least you should. Jason and I were given a taste of what a godly marriage looks like and even though old habits sneak back in and things may have slipped, I have always craved and hungered for what we had a taste of. It makes us strive every day to get it back or maintain it when we find it again.

We also got the opportunity to taste what "church family" looks like. We were blessed to experience an atmosphere where we could be ourselves and not have to put on face. Everyone was genuine and loving and cared about each other. But even as the world has break-ups in families, so does the church and our wonderful family soon split up. Even though we went through the pain, we tasted what church should be and we hunger for it.

Jesus himself said in Matthew 5:6 “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled; and in John 6:35 “I am bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger and he who believes in Me shall never thirst.” He planted in each one of us a hunger for something more. 

Then he gives us a taste.

I have heard many stories of revival. When I first started hearing the stories I honestly didn’t fully believe them. I grew up in the church, but it was a powerless church where you went every Sunday like the good little Christian and gave your offering and sang the songs out of the hymnal. Then, God gave me a taste.

He gave me a taste of the Living Word. The word that gave promises and actually fulfilled them. The Word that spoke directly to my heart and sometimes even cut straight through to clean out what wasn’t meant to be there. The word that encouraged me and taught me and strengthened me.

Then He gave me a taste of true worship. Music had always spoken to me, but one day I realized it wasn’t the music, it was God using the music. He gave me a taste of worship without music and as I worshiped my thirst was quenched.  

As I hungered for more, at a women’s conference, He gave me a taste of His heart for the lost. It was so strong and painful that it pushed me to the floor crying out for them to know Him. I was given a taste of what He feels for those who have walked away from Him; it was a taste of His hunger for us. After that I wanted even more. I had tasted His love and knew there was more. I began to get restless and would hear more stories of people who had had visions or encounters with Him. I Hungered for that. I would look around and see the people around me, comfortable with what they were getting in church, but I had tasted and I was hungry. I wasn’t satisfied; I knew there was more.

A few years went by with God giving me a taste here and a taste there and with every taste I wanted more. Then, in December 2012, He gave me a taste of revival. He gave me a taste of healing; being healed myself and then watching others be healed. During the hustle and bustle of the holiday season He gave me a taste of what Christmas was truly about. He gave me a taste of what happened when we drop everything just to be in the Presence of God. I knew what it felt like to be in a room where the presence of God was so thick you could no longer stand. Then on one of the many nights we were there, He gave me a taste of joy. Pure, unrestrained joy. The kind of joy where you laugh so hard and for so long your abs and cheeks hurt and tears are rolling down your cheeks, and when you think you can finally catch your breath the laughter starts again. (It’s the only ab workout I enjoy).  

On Valentine’s Day 2013 He gave me a taste of being used by Him. That was our Valentine's date, spending time in the presence of God. I was on the floor during worship unable to stand. I was able to get to my chair but during the teaching I was asked to come up front and pray for someone. I was still really shaky and couldn't stop laughing and  all I could think was, "how am I .supposed walk the few few feet with these wobbly legs?" I managed to stand and with Jason behind me in case I fell I worked my way up front. All I could do was extend my hands and laugh with what felt like electricity pulsing through me. God healed the lady that night and and put me back on the floor. During my time laying on the floor, I realized my identity. I was given a taste of how God can use someone so unworthy and unqualified.

After a few months, things began to die down and most people went back to life as usual, but God had given us a taste. When you are given a taste you crave more. There have been many moves of God, big and small and with each move God gives us a taste of the kingdom. With each taste we get, we should want more. He says “blessed are those who hunger”. I hunger. I hunger to see a church laid out under the Presence of God. I hunger to see children so bold and moved by God that they are praying for their friends in school and bringing them to church. I hunger to be interrupted to do the will of God on this earth. I hunger to see the Gods people surrendered to His Glory and His will.

Many people hunger for the Kingdom of God. Too many in the church believe they cant experience the Kingdom until Jesus returns, but I have seen and witnessed when the Kingdom breaks through and people are never the same. I long to see complacency die in the body  and passion burn. I thirst for His Presence and hunger for His righteousness. I have tasted and I want more.

Now when He was asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, He answered them and said, “The kingdom of God does not come with observation;  nor will they say, ‘See here!’ or ‘See there! ’For indeed, the kingdom of God is within you.”- Luke 17:20-21

Speak the Truth

Everywhere I look lately I am bombarded by false truth and false teaching and white washed religion. It’s all over the media, it’s in conversations, it’s on the internet. I have read so many article and reports and actually witnessed controversy in the church over the last year that it saddens me. The church is under attack when it stands on truth, yet I feel that more people in the church need to be boldly speaking the truth. The church has gotten really good at sugar coating the truth and walking on tip toes, when people are walking in sin and dying right outside their doors. 

I even see it in my own life with people telling me not to be so harsh; it makes me stop constantly and question my conviction, and then I get mad at myself for doubting truth. I received a word several months ago to “speak the truth, boldly”, followed by many devotion times when the Spirit would lead me to verses about speaking truth, speaking out against the mainstream and standing up, even when you are the only one standing. I was reminded over and over again to pick up my cross and follow Him.

As I began to search out what “picking up my cross” meant for me personally and to search what God was calling me to, I realized it was His way of asking me if I was “all in”. Was I ready to carry my cross (pain, suffering, rejection) in order to follow Him? Following Christ is not always easy, especially in today’s world. He gives us hints of what it will cost in His Word - Matthew 7:13-14 “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.” This verse tells us it will be lonely and difficult.

A lot of people in the church believe that being a Christian is all about loving one another, which I totally agree that loving each other is first and foremost. After all Jesus Himself, told us several times to “love one another” (John 13:34-35; John 15:12; John 15:17). The problem, however comes, when we ask "what is love and how is it walked out?"

I believe we will never truly understand what love is until we get to heaven, but here on earth I believe letting someone stay in a destructive, unhealthy pattern, or not speaking up against outright sins, is not love.

Repentance was a huge part of the ministry of Jesus. As a Christian we are called to die to ourselves (Philippians 1:21) and be born again (John 3:3, 3:5-7). When we truly come to Christ we are a “new creation, the old has gone and the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17). To me, that means a turning away of our own patterns, and stepping into His. It’s not love when we see a brother or sister in Christ, falling into their old patterns instead of following what they know to be true, and we remain silent. We are to encourage each other to walk on the narrow path but when we see someone stepping off that path and we remain silent and do nothing to correct them; that is not love.

We worry so much about offending, that we choose to let people continue in their destructive ways and even die in their sin. The truth can be offensive and most of the time people don’t want to hear it. Jesus always spoke the truth to people, and there were some that received it and others who waked away. Then there were those that were so offended that they conspired to shut the Truth up for good.

 I find that as I continue to speak truth and stand on the Word of God, it becomes a lonely place in this world and it is sad to see. I can only continue to pray that I will continue to conform to His will and not the pattern of this world; that when I am meet with those that do not wish to receive truth then I am quick to “brush the dust off my feet” (Luke 9:5) and move on; that if those that say they love me, see me faltering they speak truth. I continue to pray that I do not get offended by those who refuse to repent and that I let Him cast the judgment, not myself. It is a corrupt and sinful world and we the church are the only light they have, so we need to shine bright, the light of truth, no matter what comes against us.

Refining Out the Impurities

God has been turning up the heat and bringing a lot of impurities to the surface to burn them out. One of the major impurities He has brought up in me is my lack of trust. My lack of trust in people, and my lack of trust in Him. Though I still trust in the promises of God, I have realized that my trust in the process and my trust in my own gift of discerning and hearing His voice has diminished.

Because of everything that has happened in our lives over the past year, I began to doubt that I had heard God correctly. I don't doubt His will, but I confess that I have doubted my ability to discern His will. I also forgot, or should I say I didn't connect the dots of what has happened to the time before all of this that God gave me a choice. I could have taken a different path. He didn't show me what I was to walk through but He did reveal it would not be an easy path. He asked if I was willing to pay the price of following Him? At the time I was like, "Yes, God. I will pay any price." Then the time came for me to pay up. In the moment, I didn't see that what we were going through was a process of paying the price. 

At the time I knew that God had told me to stand up (1 Samuel 1:9 NIV), stand on (Habakkuk 2:1; 2 Thessalonians 2:15), and speak the truth (Ephesians 4:25). He told me that He was sending me to a "stubborn and obstinate people" (Ezekiel 2:4). I knew at the time the truth I was to speak would not be well received. I was willing to pay the price and long as it was only me to get hurt, then I saw the true "cost" of innocent people getting hurt, friendships lost and offenses toward others began taking root in myself and those around me. 

I've struggled the last few months, questioning, "did I hear God correctly?" "did I speak the truth out of love?" I can answer "yes" to both of those questions, but what I didn't realize is that by asking them, I let doubt in. There is nothing wrong with questioning your decisions, especially when the outcome is not what was expected, but when we know we did the right thing and still say, "but, what if..?", then we invite the enemy to come in and destroy our trust.

That is why I have been so silent lately. "Who am I to say these things?" "I spoke up and look what happened, people got hurt". These are just a couple of the lies the enemy has been whispering in my ear. I listened to a sermon today and it was just another pieces added to the puzzle of my healing. (Bridgeway's Stance on Hyper Grace - Chad Norris) Between that sermon, the cleansing stream study we are going through, and God revealing things to me through His word and close friends; it makes me realize that, yes, people got hurt because of the truth being spoken, I am sorry for that and I feel their pain (so much so I even took on their offenses as well as my own). The truth is offensive and often times when the truth is spoken impurities are forced out into the light. The impurities were already there, within myself and others, the truth just brought them up to be dealt with. It is then, when the impurities are exposed that it is up to the individual to decide what they are going to do with it. I cannot be held accountable for how others choose to react, I can only control how I react. 

I confess, it's been a roller coaster ride. At first I was o.k. (I hadn't seen the impurities yet), I knew I had followed God's will. I didn't understand the outcome but I trusted God that His hands were in it. Then, over time, I didn't hear anything from God, I thought that he had placed me in the desert to journey through what had happened. Only recently, did I come to the realization, with the help of Holy Spirit, that I had placed myself in the desert because of my doubt in hearing and discerning God's will for my life. 

Since that realization, I have confessed my lack of trust in God and in my lack of trust in my gift of discerning His will. I am now in the process of finding those doors in my past where mistrust has entered and closing them for good, with the help of Jesus. 

Had God shown me then, what the cost was going to be for my obedience, I honestly don't think I would have taken the same steps. Knowing what I know now, however, would I do the same thing? I would say, without hesitation, yes! Even though so many people got hurt, I have to trust God and trust that He knows what he is doing? No matter how painful this has been, it has brought things to the surface that needed to be brought into the light and burned out. Purification is, often times, a painful process. Just as we have to prune a plant so that it can be healthier and bear more fruit, God sometimes has to prune us. But there is comfort in knowing that it is for His glory and our benefit. There is comfort in knowing that He never leaves us or forsakes us. I have seen so much proof of that over the past few months. 

I thought God wasn't speaking to me, yet now that my ears are unblocked I can look back and see where He was never silent, I just couldn't hear Him through the doubt and through the offenses

Thank You, Lord for being there and allowing me this journey because without it true healing would not be able to come. Thank you, Lord, for letting me have my time in the pit to wallow but then pulling me out and not leaving me there. Thank You for the loving ways You stir up the impurities of doubt, mistrust, and offense, so they can be purged out. Thank You for the truth of Your Word, though is cuts like a sword, cutting away anything that is not from You, new growth appears leaving us healthier and stronger.

It reminds me of the rose out in front of my house. We used to have a tree in the front yard that shaded it and no matter what I did, I couldn't get it to grow. We had to take down the tree because of carpenter ants and the rose took off and thrived in the sunlight. So much so that it began to grow wildly and wouldn't stay contained to the trellis we have placed to give it support. It began to grow into the walk way and was getting in the way of those wanting to enter. This year we pruned it way back, so far back I worry that it was too much, but just a few days ago I looked at it and saw the new buds and new growth. I am confident it is going to flourish and be healthier because we cur it back. I may be wrong because we are only human, but When God prunes we can trust that He knows what He is doing. In His wisdom He never prunes too much and always prunes the proper amount at the right time. Though it is painful, in the end we will be beautiful plants that will bear much fruit.

1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

1 Peter 1:6-7

In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

Merry Christmas

As 2014 wraps up and we celebrate the birth of our Savior, I reflect back over this year and look at all that He has done in our lives. This has been a roller coaster of a year. I want to apologize to my readers for my lack of posts. Since September we have went through job changes, Jason returning to school and changes in the church. There is so much I want to share about what God is doing in our lives and how He has provided yet I have struggled to find the words. I feel like He is still walking us through some healing and teaching us new things and until I understand what it is I can't put it into words. As we head into the New Year I just want to remind you that God is a God of restoration and no matter what pain or trials you have to go through He promises in His word to "never leave you or foresake you". Hebrews 13:5  I will be over this block soon and be able to share my story but until then have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Hanging With God

I heard a "religious" teaching recently where the person said, "you can't hang with God". I honestly didn't listen to much else on the teaching because I knew how wrong those words were. My heart actually broke for the person; here he was a leader and he believed he couldn't hang with God.

For me, I immediately countered what was said with the words of Jesus in John 15:15, "I don't call you servants anymore, because a servant doesn't know what his master is doing. But I've called you friends, because I've made known to you everything that I've heard from My Father."

Jesus is my best friend and I hang with Him everyday. Those words, spoken in that teaching, didn't hurt me, but it made me realize how many "mature" Christians believe that they "cant hang with God". My question is, if you can't hang with God, who can you hang with?

I know intimately, the meaning of "nothing can separate you from the love of Christ" (Romans 8:35-39), including yourself. As a teenager and young adult I didn't want to "hang with God. I saw people in the church who spoke of all the things you had to do to receive God's love, and they spoke about how much God loved them, but they were not living what they were preaching. If that was God; if He didn't like me the way I was, I didn't need Him. 

But God did love me. He loved me so much that when I ran from Him he pursued me. He put road blocks in my path to turn me back to Him, and He never, I mean NEVER left my side. When I was ready to finally accept His unfailing, unconditional love, all I had to do was the slightest turn to be in His arms.

Since then, I have spent nights talking with God, crying with Him, and my favorite, laughing with Him. I have heard His voice, understood His words, and even felt His arms wrap around me. I hang with Him. I tell Him everything, even though He already knows it, and I seek to know everything about Him. 

I find it sad that there are people who read His word; study it; teach it, yet don't know Him. What I have learned in my "hang time" with Him is that nothing you do is worthy of the love of God, but He loves you anyway, so much so that "while we were still sinners" (Romans 5:8) He sent His Son to die a brutal death so that we can be reconciled to Him. He missed "hang time" with you that much.

Not only that but He knows us so well, that He knows we will mess up and we will jeopardize our time with Him. Because He wants us so much, He gives us someone to help us. Holy Spirit lives in us so He can always be with us. He doesn't just want "hang time', He wants to be one with us; and with the Holy Spirit He is. Holy Spirit guides us, teaches us, helps us understand, strengthens us, encourages us, and comforts us. There is no better friend. 

John 15:13 "No one shows greater love than when he lays down his life for his friends" Jesus did that for me; He did that for you. He wants to call you friend. He wants to hang with you right where you area at, and if you don't feel worthy, that's okay, just accept His unfailing, unconditional love and then let Him send you the Holy Spirit to cleanse you and to pull you out of the miry pit and set your feet on the Rock. (Psalm 40:2) He loves you, He always has and He always will.

If God is pulling on your heart and you would like someone to pray with please message me at carrie.noble.94@facebook.com or find a local church to pray with you.

I Will Be Transparent

I've been in situations over the past year when my transparency has been called into question. Most of the time, it has been from well- meaning people who think I am too transparent. I have seen the result of a lack of transparency and it never ends well. However, when you are transparent the worse thing that can happen to you is a lack of acceptance. 

I recently read an article from Focus on the Family written by Lynne Thompson and I cannot say it a better way. “ Real transparency occurs when I am comfortable being me, flaws and all, no matter what environment I find myself in.” Why would I want to hide who I really am? After all, God formed me and continues to shape me.

I look at the definition of transparent, the two parts are 1) having the property of transmitting light without appreciable scattering so that bodies lying beyond are seen clearly. 2) free from pretense or deceit. To me, as a Christian, that says that when I pretend to be something I’m not, or deceive people about who I really am, I cloud the “Body” lying beneath. Let’s put it another way, when I do not pretend to be something I’m not it humbles me to the point of admitting my flaws, at the same time, it allows people the opportunity to see the “Light” being transmitted through me. When I acknowledge my flaws instead of trying to cover them up, it lets people see Christ working in my life more clearly. 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NLT) says, “…so now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”

The article goes on to say, “Living a transparent life can sound quite scary. We may never know how people are going to respond to the real us. What if reality disappoints?” Are we living for man’s approval or for our heavenly Father’s? The Bible says, “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) and “nothing can separate us from the love of Christ.” (Romans 8:38-39) So do we really have to pretend to be something we are not?

I believe not being transparent can be a dangerous thing. The article quoted Dr. Gary Thomas, author of Authentic Faith : The Power of a Fire-Tested Life, “Eventually the jig is up. Our God loves us to much to allow the charade to continue…There is tremendous freedom, more freedom than most could fathom, when somebody truly knows you and all your ‘stuff’ and still loves you and respects you.” When you try to cover up your faults, it’s like climbing onto a pedestal, you can only hold your balance for so long before you come tumbling down.

I myself would rather lie at the feet of Jesus. It is there that I know I am loved and I am accepted by the only One that matters. It is there, I receive my strength through Him who strengthens. At the feet of Jesus, there are no boxes of religion, there is no condemnation, and there is no fear of falling because I've already fallen, I’m already low. At His feet there is a love and freedom that no one can find while standing on a pedestal. 

A Seed To The Ministry

God is orchestrating some amazing things in the symphony of our lives.  He has given us so many promises over the years and He has never failed to accomplish them. 

The past year and a half he placed within me a heart for those in captivity. Something else He placed in me a long time ago was a determination to seek justice, so when I find out about an injustice I can't just let it sit. I have to do something. I used to think it was me playing the part of the hero, but now I realize that God placed that there to be His hands and feet to the captives. 

I have been learning a lot lately about human trafficking and that it is a problem in our own backyard. I also see the gaps in helping the victims. A few months ago God gave me a vision for a restoration house, a place where, not only can victims escape the life of captivity, but they can begin to restore their lives. 

At the same time God put those things in my heart, Jason's job situation began to falter. God also gave us a promise to move the mountain of debt. We have tried to be very good stewards of all that God has entrusted to us, but we were not always that faithful and we are still paying for those years of unfaithfulness. Because of that we have this mountain of debt that we thought was holding us back from the things we felt God calling us to. 

It’s only human when things begin to shake in our lives and we begin to doubt and lack faith, but it’s through maturity in Christ that we can stand firm on the rock and not let the shaking destroy us. When we have a firm foundation in the rock of our Lord Jesus, no waves can wash us away. In the natural, Jason and I see this overwhelming mountain and not enough income to tackle it. We see what God is calling us to and feel chained, unable to reach out and grab hold of the mission He has for us. But God is faithful and we are standing on the rock. 

Jason, just recently, lost the sales job that he had and again is unemployed. Most people would begin to worry and look for another job, but our faith does not lie in the work of Jason's hands. It lies in the provision of our Heavenly Daddy. We have had several earthly doors shut to us in this past year, and we believe it is because God is calling us to walk through His door to a greater purpose which leads to our ministry. Jason is returning to school this fall and I will begin in the winter term. As God calls us into this greater purpose, and we step out in obedience, we are putting our trust in Him to be our provider, Jason's retirement covers the bills but we have a mountain of debt and tuition for Becca that we are trusting God to provide for. 

Since making that decision and stepping in obedience, He hasn't disappointed us. We have had extra money come in from various sources, a couple of which were led by the Spirit to give. It is very humbling when you are handed a check for no reason, but I am so grateful for God's provision. Months ago I would have felt shame if that would have happened, but now I accept it with all thankfulness because I know it is our Daddy taking care of us. As we use what He is providing to tackle our mountain we are also dividing it and setting aside a seed to begin our ministry. We are beginning to put together the vision for His Covering Ministries and pull together our prayer partners. In the next few months we will be putting together a website and gathering other warriors to meet once a month to pray for victims of human trafficking and the organizations that are already on the front lines. As we begin to provide a prayer covering, we will also be educating and raising awareness to this injustice. As Jason begins school this fall, I will begin to partner with other organizations to begin reaching out to the victims. Exciting things are yet to come and I wait anxiously to see the captives set free, and the years the locusts have eaten restored to the victims of human trafficking.