And now back to the present, 2010. We entered this year of our 20th anniversary on a very shaky road. We didn't talk much and when we did it usually ended in an argument. We were still struggling to see eye to eye in a lot of things. The last 3 years God has worked in my life and my faith has grown in so many ways that at times I can't even comprehend how much God loves me. As our anniversary neared I reflected on the last 20 years of my life. At times I was so discouraged to think that not much has changed but I kept holding to Joel 2:25. We quit teaching Married for Life in 2008-early 2009 and I felt like we were slipping back again. The only difference this time is my walk with God was on solid rock. I wasn't wavering. Through all of our difficulties God was working in both of us, shaping is and softening our hearts for each other. We were beginning to rebuild trust that was broken years ago. We realized that a big part of our wall was caused by an event in 1998 that we both thought we had dealt with. I had not fully forgiven Jason for emotionally abandoning me, in fact I blamed him for certain events that took place in our life, once I realized that, I was able to forgive him and then I could start to see changes.
September 15, 2010 we celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary by spending the day together. We went to a winery, and then drove to Lincoln, where at the Sunken Gardens Jason got on his knee and asked me to spend the rest of his life with him. For the first time in a very long time I saw the Jason I first married 20 years ago. It seemed too good to be true.
The following Wednesday we received word that Jason would be leaving for Afghanistan before Christmas. At that moment it felt like my life turned upside down. I cried out to God asking him why he would take him away when we were finally beginning to heal. I didn't understand what any of it was about. The only thing we did that day was cry and hold each other. When he fell asleep, I ran to God's word. He showed me Psalm 91. He showed me that He would protect Jason and keep him safe. I felt from the moment I heard the news that the orders were not from God but I knew that God could use what was meant for harm and bring good. Again he reminded me of His promise to restore the years. I cried out, “how can you restore the years if Jason isn't here" So much was going through my mind that first day. But God gave me a peace.
Two weeks after receiving word about the orders to Afghanistan, God showed us how much he is in control. That Tuesday when Jason went to pick up the clothing and equipment he needed for this TDY he was told to put it all back; his training had been cancelled. The next day we received official word that his position in Afghanistan had been cancelled and so were his orders. In the two weeks that we thought he was leaving we knew that God was going to do good things in our marriage. I have known that for a long time. I started this blog to take you all on that journey with us. Of course, I thought I would have a whole year to fill you in on our life but God has other plans. So instead of waiting a year for Jason to return we begin this journey sooner. Stay tuned to see what God is continuing to do in and through our lives.
I wanted to let you know that I appreciate reading how your marriage has struggled also. It makes me feel better that the feelings I have other have also. In addition, that the struggles my husband and I experience are similar to other couples.
ReplyDeleteWhile my experience is not exactly the same as yours, I can relate. My husbands family has mental illness and so does he. My husband has always traveled for his job leaving me to be a single parent also. There have been times that I worked also while he would be out of town. When we got married, we both were Christians and still are. I have always forgiven my husband and never held on to what he has down. I will remember those things but as a way to protect myself from repeating my behavior and his reaction.
My husband came into the marriage with expectations. I fulfilled very few of them. He also needed to be healed emotionally from what was lacking as a child. None of these were ever communicated to me. He has this illness like his mother where he is not at fault or responsible for how his actions affect other people. Yet, on the other hand, the people around him are responsible for his hurt feelings.
I will continue to read your posts on the healing of your marriage.
Thank you for sharing your story. I hope as you continue to read our story it will give hope and encouragement for your own marriage. God has done and is still doing amazing things in our lives. He is our Healer and our Provider and continues His restoration in us and through us.
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