What Robs You of Your Time?

I started a new Bible Study last Friday, Created to be His Help Meet and one of our first assignments was to think of ways I could be a better helper to my husband. That's not an easy task since he is out of town yet again with the military. Yet there is something I can do to be a better help meet.
About a month ago I had done my devotion and as usually proceeded  to log onto facebook; before I knew it 2 hours had went by (come on admit it you’ve done it too). I logged off and looked around at the things that I had neglected. Now I’m not saying I don’t do anything and that I spend all day on the computer but I have realized, this month, the time that it steals away from me. I work out of the house so I create my own schedule so it is easy to say, “I’m just going to get on and check my messages or play one game.” Then before we know it 2 hours have gone by and laundry could have been finished or the living room vacuumed.  Now I have to scramble to try to get things done, that if I wouldn’t have been chatting with my friends, I could have gotten done. Facebook is not a bad thing. I keep in touch with my family better, and my friends far away.
Many of us have become addicted. We must get our fix before the day begins or before we close our eyes at night. Lord, forgive us of our idol worship. God gives us a commandment and a promise in Joshua 1:8 “Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.” He even says in Proverbs 10:4 “Lazy hands make for poverty, but diligent hands bring wealth.” I am not saying I am a lazy person in general. I work very hard but when I log into my computer a spirit of laziness comes on me.
I began paying attention to what happens when I spend so much time on the computer and realized the extra work I create for myself and for my husband. I also am aware of the things that I have neglected with my kids. Poor Rebecca does not even have any pictures in my albums because I say I don’t have time. Or I tell them I’m too busy to play with them because I have to clean. Would I have gotten those things done had I not been on facebook? What could God speak to me if I meditated on Him as much as I was on facebook?                                                                                                          

For the next 40 days I’m going to find out. Every year during lent I try to find something I can give up to focus on God more. What better thing to give up than something that replaces my time with Him in the morning and night. At the same time, this is something I can do to be a better help meet to my husband by taking care of things so he doesn’t have too. I do think I will still let him cook when he is home since the kids like his cooking better. What does ginning up facebook look like for me? There are a lot of people that I have contact with for school things and for work only through facebook. Because of that I will be receiving any messages that someone send me via my phone and I can reply to them, but for the next 40 days starting tomorrow I am not allowed to log into facebook. If you find that it is robbing you then I challenge you to spend more time serving your family, loving them, and seeking and spending more time with God over the next 40 days; will you join me?

For Those Who Wait

Over the years that we struggled with our marriage, the hardest thing for me was the loneliness. I felt like I was the only one fighting for our marriage. Things really started turning around for us when I stopped wallowing in the loneliness and realized that the one I needed to run to was waiting with arms wide open. It was then I realized that I was not alone. God desired the same things I did. It changed my prayers and my outlook and gave me hope. For those who are in the same place I was, listen to Fireflight’s song “For Those Who Wait”. I waited and prayed for years but I never gave up and because of that our marriage is better than ever.

“Another day, another waiting time

A little different, but it’s still the same”

For years I wrote in my journal about my journey and it was so depressing when I would look back and nothing had changed.

“I am here, where is the one I’m longing for?”

I thought my longing was for Jason, but God wanted me to long for Him and fill that void with Him.

“I’m having trouble, feeling all alone

Will my heart ever find a home?

I want to hope but sometimes I just don’t know

I’m not the only one”

My heart was searching for something in my marriage, or so I thought. In reality the hunger I felt was for God. I’m not the only one and I wasn’t alone, He was with me.

“So we sing a lullaby to the lonely heart tonight

Let it set your heart on fire, let it set you free

When you’re fighting to believe

In the love you cannot see

Just know there is a purpose

For those who wait”

God is singing us a lullaby telling us that we may not see what His purpose is but “it is not to harm you but to prosper you and give you a hope and a future” (Jer. 29:11).

“I want to open my eyes

I know that all I need is time

I’m growing stronger every single day

Got to go I’ll leave it to you now

Letting go of all my fear and doubt

I can’t do this on my own so I give you control”

In my waiting for God to change Jason; He changed me. He made me stronger, He made me realize the fears and the doubt that I had that things would never truly change. It didn’t matter the knowledge I had that God could heal, I still doubted, because I doubted that Jason would allow the change. When I gave that over to God when I “let go” of that, and gave God total control, that was when I saw significant change, not only in our marriage but in Jason’s heart and in my heart.

“The pressure makes us stronger

The struggle makes us hunger

The hard lessons make the difference

And the difference makes it worth it.

Let it set your heart on fire

This is for those who wait”

Watch the video here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcRMNiZtj5s 

Obedience

"Jesus is the reason for the season" but this time of year Mary has a special place in my heart. Maybe it’s because I'm a mother and I think of how she must felt knowing she was carrying the Messiah and to hold this tiny newborn in her arms knowing He would save her. In my work with mothers and being a mother myself I see the common emotions that new mothers face, yet Mary's was amplified. Here she was a teenage girl and an angel tells her she has been chosen to carry Gods son. I look at my teenage girls and try to put into perspective Mary's emotions. Also the fear she must have had knowing the risks she was taking, the beatings she could receive since she was engaged. Yet Mary was obedient.
     If I could use one word to describe this year, I would have to use "obedient". A second word would be patience. It is hard to know your calling and not be able to walk in it. God has called me, personally, to work with expectant mothers; but He has also called Jason and me to work with marriages. Over the last few years I struggled with the fact that we were not doing that. I built up resentment toward Jason because he wasn't walking in his faith and I kept feeling God's heart toward all the marriages around me that I saw falling apart.  This summer God started speaking to me about my selfishness and pride. I needed to look at my own marriage and see the shambles it was in. I began praying for it and for Jason's walk. I realized that God called "us" to minister to marriages but I couldn’t resent Jason for not being able to walk in that calling. I knew to walk in a calling of ministry meant you needed to be a standing on a solid foundation and I knew Jason was still on shaky ground. It frustrated me because "I" wanted to move now. But God was reminding me it is not "my" time but HIS.
       This year I lost my mentor in Christ; Zoila. Even in her returning home, she was teaching and discipling me. God used that to show me that I wasn't being obedient. Zoila had mentored and discipled so many woman. She taught us to pray, store up God's word and seek Him in everything. When we were in Texas and Jason was on my bad side I would start to tell her the things he was doing and she would stop me and say, "But Carrie, what are YOU doing?" When she left this earth God reminded me of that. I was so lost in blaming Jason for us not walking in what He was calling us to I was forgetting about what "I" was doing. Just because "we" couldn't minister to marriages didn't mean I couldn't minister to marriages. So I began The Power of a Praying Wife bible study. At first it was just supposed to be for me and my neighbor but now it has grown, and God has done some amazing things through it. Of all of us who attend are still praying for restoration but we definitely see God moving in our lives and in our marriages. Instead of waiting until Jason and I were ready, I just started walking it out and God is shaping us each step of the way.
     Just as Mary took that leap of faith by being obedient, not knowing what Joseph would do or how he would respond. She just walked in obedience. What if she would have said, "I need to talk to my fiancé about this first?" No, she heard God calling her and she walked in obedience. She trusted God that HE would work in Joseph’s heart and even if Joseph quietly divorced her she knew she was obedient. Because of her obedience though she was blessed and Joseph stayed by her side and in turn became obedient to Gods plan.  

   

The rest of the story; Or is it?

And now back to the present, 2010. We entered this year of our 20th anniversary on a very shaky road. We didn't talk much and when we did it usually ended in an argument. We were still struggling to see eye to eye in a lot of things. The last 3 years God has worked in my life and my faith has grown in so many ways that at times I can't even comprehend how much God loves me. As our anniversary neared I reflected on the last 20 years of my life. At times I was so discouraged to think that not much has changed but I kept holding to Joel 2:25. We quit teaching Married for Life in 2008-early 2009 and I felt like we were slipping back again. The only difference this time is my walk with God was on solid rock. I wasn't wavering. Through all of our difficulties God was working in both of us, shaping is and softening our hearts for each other.  We were beginning to rebuild trust that was broken years ago. We realized that a big part of our wall was caused by an event in 1998 that we both thought we had dealt with. I had not fully forgiven Jason for emotionally abandoning me, in fact I blamed him for certain events that took place in our life, once I realized that, I was able to forgive him and then I could start to see changes.

 September 15, 2010 we celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary by spending the day together. We went to a winery, and then drove to Lincoln, where at the Sunken Gardens Jason got on his knee and asked me to spend the rest of his life with him. For the first time in a very long time I saw the Jason I first married 20 years ago. It seemed too good to be true.
The following Wednesday we received word that Jason would be leaving for Afghanistan before Christmas. At that moment it felt like my life turned upside down. I cried out to God asking him why he would take him away when we were finally beginning to heal. I didn't understand what any of it was about. The only thing we did that day was cry and hold each other. When he fell asleep, I ran to God's word. He showed me Psalm 91. He showed me that He would protect Jason and keep him safe. I felt from the moment I heard the news that the orders were not from God but I knew that God could use what was meant for harm and bring good. Again he reminded me of His promise to restore the years. I cried out, “how can you restore the years if Jason isn't here" So much was going through my mind that first day. But God gave me a peace.
Two weeks after receiving word about the orders to Afghanistan, God showed us how much he is in control. That Tuesday when Jason went to pick up the clothing and equipment he needed for this TDY he was told to put it all back; his training had been cancelled. The next day we received official word that his position in Afghanistan had been cancelled and so were his orders. In the two weeks that we thought he was leaving we knew that God was going to do good things in our marriage. I have known that for a long time. I started this blog to take you all on that journey with us. Of course, I thought I would have a whole year to fill you in on our life but God has other plans. So instead of waiting a year for Jason to return we begin this journey sooner. Stay tuned to see what God is continuing to do in and through our lives.

The Healing Begins Part 3

So now I had a faith vision for our marriage yet we were still going to class and hearing what God was doing but not really seeing it in our relationship. Jason was able to attend most of the classes even working a swing shift (3-11). One of the classes though that he missed was one that caused me to argue with God yet again. Not that I didn't like the lesson but I was upset that it was a lesson I felt Jason really needed to hear. Fear crept in again that Jason wouldn't hear the lesson from me so I began to pray and this is what God told me
Jeremiah 31:2-6
"This is what the Lord says: 'The people who survive the sword will find favor in the desert; I will come to give rest to Israel.'
The Lord appeared to us in the past saying, 'I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving kindness"
-and this was for me and Jason-
"I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt, o Virgin Israel. Again you will take up your tambourines and go out and dance with the joyful. Again you will plant vineyards in the hills of Samaria; the farmers will plant them and enjoy their fruit..."
Jason returned from his TDY and we sat down and I taught him the lesson. As I was worrying while he was gone, God was softening his heart to hear his word. After teaching the lesson God gave me another passage which is what we both hold toeven today. It is His promise to us.

Joel 2:25-26
"I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten...You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the Lord your God, who has worked wonders for you.”

After that God really began to move. We went through the trials of Jason having a tumor and losing several loved ones, all the while clinging to that verse. During the time we were going through the tumor scare I received a vision from God of Jason speaking to lots of people about marriage and we were in agreement that we were to be in marriage ministry. But if any of you have ever been called you  know that is when you come under attack the most. As we began to walk in that by teaching Married for Life classes, again, our marriage came under attack.

The Healing Begins- Part 2

When I first signed us up for the Married for Life class I was scared that I would have to drag Jason through it. We were in agreement that we needed to do something to save our marriage but was this it?
I felt it was our last resort. I gave it to God and thought to myself if this doesn't help I'm filing for divorce. I did not want my kids to go through what both Jason and I went through with our parents fighting all the time. As I have said and will say again God's timing is not our own. The first few weeks we would go to class and here the testimonies of how God was working in everyone’s marriage and then we would get in the car and fight. Then, a breakthrough happened, not necessarily in Jason and our marriage, but in my own heart.

Excerpt for my journal May 11, 2005
"Tonight was our Married for Life Class. I signed up for this as a leap of faith, not trusting Jason to follow through, but trusting God to move on our marriage and heal it. After all that we have been through and in worldly views having almost every reason to leave, God granted me a vision. My faith vision first began when we became Christians. God showed me glimpses of what HE desires Jason to be. A little while later, during our Song of Solomon study and the study on baggage, HE began giving me the vision of what He desires for our marriage. He began to give me that desire and I have seen where He has worked on me and prepared in me to meet His will and His design for this union. It is when I take my eyes off of Him and look at Jason that I lose hope and the pain rushes back. The biggest thing that I have learned tonight is something I've known in my head and missed in my heart. Doubt is not from God. Fear is not from God. I have especially struggled this last year because God gave me that vision for our marriage and I desire God's will but I have wanted it on my time not His. Because of that, Satan has entered in and attacked my most sacred place- my faith- and I have let him do it. Father forgive me for letting the enemy in and doubt You. Lord keep that doubt out and take that seed from me. I know you will heal this marriage. Father give me strength to wait on Your timing. Give me the wisdom and renew in me Your Vision of our marriage. Reveal to me through Your Word the truth. Let it remain in me and 'do not let my faith waiver through unbelief' (Romans 4:20) In Jesus Name, Amen.

The Healing Begins- part 1

In early 2003 I was pregnant with our 4th child and Jason and I were fighting more than ever. I remember crying out to God asking Him why things were only getting worse and not better and asking Him why Jason wasn't changing. I remember sitting at my dining room table praying to God why he wasn't moving in Jason's life. I heard Him say, "I'm trying, He's not listening." I knew then that God heard my cries and that gave me comfort but looking back I see Jason wasn't the only one not listening to God. Things did get a little better and we moved into our own home in Sept. 2003 and Rebecca was born at home on Oct 30, 2003 into her Daddy's and my hands. Again from the outside everything looked good. At times, I even thought they were good. But the enemy would not leave us alone.
In June 2004 Jason was back on the road with the Air Force and again I was left to struggle, this time with 4 kids, on my own. But while most if my struggles were flesh (the everyday taking care of kids and running a house), Jason’s were spiritual. At this time He was on medication for depression and his back and his blood pressure, but more than his health was the spiritual darkness over him. The struggle for me was to hold onto faith. So many times I wanted to leave. In February 2005 we again were at the end of a rope. When Jason was on the road I took a leap of faith and signed us up for a Married for Life Class.

Excerpt from my journal Feb. 14, 2005
"Our marriage needs this. I am so tired of both of us not putting God in the middle and this (Married for Life) will help put Him at the center of our marriage where He should be. ... Lord I know you desire for Jason and I to have a godly marriage. Married for Life is an answer to prayer for me. God we need these tools to put You in the center of our marriage and heal the wounds. Father I pray that you will bring Jason home in time for this course, Lord, and if he needs to go out again then give us conviction to follow through...Don't let anything, including the Air Force stand in the way of your will for our marriage. Father, guide us in Your direction so that our marriage will glorify You...”