The Healing Begins- Part 2

When I first signed us up for the Married for Life class I was scared that I would have to drag Jason through it. We were in agreement that we needed to do something to save our marriage but was this it?
I felt it was our last resort. I gave it to God and thought to myself if this doesn't help I'm filing for divorce. I did not want my kids to go through what both Jason and I went through with our parents fighting all the time. As I have said and will say again God's timing is not our own. The first few weeks we would go to class and here the testimonies of how God was working in everyone’s marriage and then we would get in the car and fight. Then, a breakthrough happened, not necessarily in Jason and our marriage, but in my own heart.

Excerpt for my journal May 11, 2005
"Tonight was our Married for Life Class. I signed up for this as a leap of faith, not trusting Jason to follow through, but trusting God to move on our marriage and heal it. After all that we have been through and in worldly views having almost every reason to leave, God granted me a vision. My faith vision first began when we became Christians. God showed me glimpses of what HE desires Jason to be. A little while later, during our Song of Solomon study and the study on baggage, HE began giving me the vision of what He desires for our marriage. He began to give me that desire and I have seen where He has worked on me and prepared in me to meet His will and His design for this union. It is when I take my eyes off of Him and look at Jason that I lose hope and the pain rushes back. The biggest thing that I have learned tonight is something I've known in my head and missed in my heart. Doubt is not from God. Fear is not from God. I have especially struggled this last year because God gave me that vision for our marriage and I desire God's will but I have wanted it on my time not His. Because of that, Satan has entered in and attacked my most sacred place- my faith- and I have let him do it. Father forgive me for letting the enemy in and doubt You. Lord keep that doubt out and take that seed from me. I know you will heal this marriage. Father give me strength to wait on Your timing. Give me the wisdom and renew in me Your Vision of our marriage. Reveal to me through Your Word the truth. Let it remain in me and 'do not let my faith waiver through unbelief' (Romans 4:20) In Jesus Name, Amen.