The Healing Begins- part 1

In early 2003 I was pregnant with our 4th child and Jason and I were fighting more than ever. I remember crying out to God asking Him why things were only getting worse and not better and asking Him why Jason wasn't changing. I remember sitting at my dining room table praying to God why he wasn't moving in Jason's life. I heard Him say, "I'm trying, He's not listening." I knew then that God heard my cries and that gave me comfort but looking back I see Jason wasn't the only one not listening to God. Things did get a little better and we moved into our own home in Sept. 2003 and Rebecca was born at home on Oct 30, 2003 into her Daddy's and my hands. Again from the outside everything looked good. At times, I even thought they were good. But the enemy would not leave us alone.
In June 2004 Jason was back on the road with the Air Force and again I was left to struggle, this time with 4 kids, on my own. But while most if my struggles were flesh (the everyday taking care of kids and running a house), Jason’s were spiritual. At this time He was on medication for depression and his back and his blood pressure, but more than his health was the spiritual darkness over him. The struggle for me was to hold onto faith. So many times I wanted to leave. In February 2005 we again were at the end of a rope. When Jason was on the road I took a leap of faith and signed us up for a Married for Life Class.

Excerpt from my journal Feb. 14, 2005
"Our marriage needs this. I am so tired of both of us not putting God in the middle and this (Married for Life) will help put Him at the center of our marriage where He should be. ... Lord I know you desire for Jason and I to have a godly marriage. Married for Life is an answer to prayer for me. God we need these tools to put You in the center of our marriage and heal the wounds. Father I pray that you will bring Jason home in time for this course, Lord, and if he needs to go out again then give us conviction to follow through...Don't let anything, including the Air Force stand in the way of your will for our marriage. Father, guide us in Your direction so that our marriage will glorify You...”